ARGH!

I have been so very social in the last three days that I boycotted interpersonal interaction today. Seriously, in the last three days, I have been out more than I have in the last two years. Chris got the brunt of my grouchiness, poor guy. I really do need a lot of time to be by myself, always have.

So, today, I spent most of today alone, up in the den...wrapping Christmas presents. I have been wrapping and packing Xmas presents for the last 14 hours! ARGH! This does not include addressing the darn things, either, which I will probably work on tomorrow. I still have a bunch more to go. It's just hard to be in the spirit, even though I've been playing Christmas music all day. I still need to finish wrapping stuff for Chris' family and for the Klizeks. I'll save Chris' stuff for December, though.

I still need to plan the Thanksgiving menu. Sly and I were supposed to go grocery shopping today, but like I said, I was being antisocial. And I have to figure out how the hell I'm gonna get two 20+ pound turkeys into my freezer.

I forgot to post the pictures of my kitsuke practice. Amber, Lue and Nic all got to victims, er, volunteers. I guess I'll add that to the todo list for tomorrow, too. Right now, I just need to go to bed.

Remember

Dinner @ Mike's

Just got back from a small get-together at Mike A's house. Thanks, Mike, for being a gracious host and making me a lovely veggie meal. I have no idea why you thought it wasn't any good--it was terrific. Mike is a very warm, affable person (his blog is on my links list --"Even a Fool") and very much a person who puts others at ease. A successful party is due a lot to the fact our group works (and plays) well together. I think it reflects well that after being cooped up in a windowless room with each other for forty hours a week, we still enjoy each others company enough to get together. It was a nice party, really. Times like these are the ones I am thankful for--all year round. Sometimes the thought of a single day officially designated as "Thanksgiving" appalls me. We should be thankful all year round. Wealth comes in many forms, and tonight was particularly rich in good food, laughter and cameraderie. Thanks again Mike.

Boy, does this up the ante for Thanksgiving. If the dinner goes half as well as tonight's did, I'm good.

Received an email from a old high school buddy. It made my morning, an unexpected "thinking of you" sort of thing. An added bonus was that it was very funny, too. Hysterically so, but since my buddy is in the military and he probably shouldn't be saying such things as he did in that email, I won't reprint it. Not that it matters, it was probably Carnivore'd off the 'net anyway.

No big plans for this weekend, having Nic and Lue and Amber over--Nic for some gaming, Lue and Amber are going to be unwitting victims of a drive-by kimono dressing (I need practice). I will probaby wrap up the Xmas gifts on Saturday and Sunday is random errands day.

Brrrrr!

This morning on the way to work, I noticed the distant mountains were capped with snow.
They were clear yesterday. Winter is on its way!

Oteairai (toilet)

This is my Japanese-made toilet, aka The Sooper Pooper. It is completely different from the toilets I had stateside and a prime example of the ability of the Nihonjin (Japanese) to improve upon anything. For starters, it's a friendly, soothing powder-blue colour, not just your regular institutional white, as my other toilets have been!

Actually, colored toilets seem to be pretty common in Japan. My neighbor has a pale green one. AH has a rose-colored one. Anyway, aside from the colour, another feature of the SP is a heated toilet seat. I didn't like the heated toilet seat at first, because I would sit down and be like "Whose ass-heat is this? (Chris isn't allowed to use my bathroom) Who's been s(h)itting on my toilet? Eeewwww!"

However, after my first Misawa winter, where venturing into our unheated bathroom was like going on an extended Arctic expedition, complete with frostbite, I came to apprecate the gentle warmth of a heated toilet seat upon my fundament. But I digress. While fancier than the toilets I had in my home stateside, the SP is not a top of the line Japanese toilet. Unlike the pricier models, the SP doesn't play music or have a built-in fan to blow away "exhaust", nor does it have a "dryer" function, but like them, it does have a bidet and a "girly wash" cycle.

Here are two close-ups of the "control panel" (you can click to enlarge). Check out the butt-wash icon! The orange button is damare (stop); the blue is oshiri (backside); the orange is bidet. The round dial is water pressure. From a different but equally disconcerting experience, I can tell you the water pressure produced by the SP is very, very good. The first time I made use of the oshiri airaimas (wash) function, I was quite suprised to learn this. I was even more suprised to find that I had not, indeed, blown my asshole through the top of my head. But again, I digress.
The two small buttons are for a back-and-forth fanning action for the oshiri and bidet funtions respectively.

Under the "hood" of the SP are the temperature controls. The little stems are for water temprature and toilet seat temperature and I always get them mixed up--or at least I used to. The uppermost one is water temperature. If you look carefully at the circle surrounding each stem, you can see each has an area of orange, indicating the where all the "hot action" is.

By the way, the water heater to which the SP is connected (you can see the lines in the first picture) is another example of the Japanese ability to improve upon anything, usually by making it smaller and more powerful. The heater lives under the stairs of my house, accessible by a door on the outside of the house, but the thermostat is conveniently located in my kitchen. It looks like this (click to enlarge):In case you can't figure out the indicators, I have my water heater set to the highest possible setting. This is because I am a lazy sod and don't want to have to put the kettle on and wait for the water to boil so I can have my tea or hot chocolate. My water heater is the Little Water Heater That Could (and That Is Also On Steroids). After about 20-40 seconds (it varies), the water that comes out of the tap is sufficiently hot enough to produce pretty good tea or a pretty bad scalding. Anyhoo, you can probably see where I am going with this.

I like the Sooper Pooper. I really do. I also like an immaculate bathroom, so I am particular about the Sooper Pooper's state of cleanliness. As a result, I scrub everything like mad and even clean under the "hood" on the control panel. In doing so, I sometimes inadvertantly twist the controls all the way up, although I usually remember to set them back down to appropriate tempratures.

The morning after cleaning the toilet, I sat down on the SP for my daily constitutional. A regular woman is a happy woman. A woman without dingleberries is even happier and dispatching dingleberries is a speciality of the SP. So I did my business and hit the oshiri button. Shortly thereafter, I hit the ceiling. By now you are probably, as the kids say, ROTFLMAO, because you have realized, just as I did, that after I was done cleaning the SP, I turned down the wrong temperature dial. I simply cannot further describe the indigity of having my little pink pucker parboiled, so end of post.

42

Is not only the answer to life, the universe and everything but also the number of people
who are coming to my house for Thanksgiving Dinner, which I think is going to have to turn into a Thanksgiving Potluck. 42 people!

Yikes.

It's almost the same number of people I had at my wedding reception!

Yikes.

Speaking of weddings, today we got a lovely card and a very generous gift from Chris' parents for an anniversary gift. Hey, my 2 year wedding anniversary is next week.

Yikes.

Noisy

女三人寄れば姦しい

Romaji: Onna sannin yoreba kashimashii
Word for Word: (If) three women visit, noisy
Proper English: Wherever three women gather it is noisy

Notes: this is a sort of pun, since the kanji for kashimashii (noisy/boisterous) is made up of three small kanji for woman. Interestingly, the meaning of this kanji in compounds usually implies craftiness or wickedness. Eg: kanjin = villain/scoundrel; kampu = adultress.
yoreba is a conditional form of yoru = to visit/drop in

Every culture has aphorisms, many are similiar. You can learn more Japanese ones here.

The Japanese language is rich in puns, some of which are real groaners.

Birthday

Annie's birthday is this month. Annie has been my buddy since I was eighteen. Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana. Annie likes this poem I wrote about her:

ANNIE

A strange bird,
Perched on the vinyl and chrome
Of a battered bar stool.

She’s got a shoulder shaking laugh
And no reason to be laughing.
The hahaha’s fly up to heaven.

She’s thinking about everything.
Every thing that went wrong.
Every thing that went right.

A water-beaded beer glass
Clutched in one hand,
More for courage than thirst.

She’s telling herself a tale.
Not noticing the bar's orchestra
Bottles, mugs, Martini glasses.

Amidst the clinking symphony,
She’s suddenly silent, suddenly sitting still
Trying to hold onto the story of her life.

Her terrible epiphany
That the littlest gesture
Can spin out a story.

She’s welded to that stool,
Wild, wide-eyed,
Brimming, barely contained.

Oh, now she knows alright,
That every action
May turn epic.

Especially for someone
Who thinks
Too much.

Decided

We're not going to Germany. We joined our company to come to Japan, our first choice of overseas locations, so why curtail our stay? Perhaps another chance will come our way later.

In other news:

My guest list for Thanksgiving is growing! I think I'm at 20+ people now. I'll need to corner everyone and confirm with those who haven't gotten back to me, and then it is time to tackle the logistics. I love planning. I liked the planning part of my wedding more than the actual execution.
Sly is helping me with the cooking (she makes the best rolls, so I hope she's going to make those). She mentioned helping me with the cleaning of the house. While I appreciate the offer of assistance, I don't want anyone else seeing the dust under my sofa or the other scruddy bits of my house. Cleaning is relaxing for me, anyway, and I don't necessarily view it as a chore.

My mail-order stuff for Xmas gifts have started coming in! Fun! I need to spend next weekend wrapping and packing and getting everything ready to be shipped. Fun, too! I still have a few gifts to buy and some knitted things to finish, but I'm mostly done. I need to buy some Christmas music CD's, too! Mine are all back stateside! Christmas decorations were in the BX before Halloween. I got all pissed off because they had bows, but no wrapping paper. When they finally got it in, I was probably the first person to buy it. It made me happy. The paper's now in the den, waiting to go around presents. Sly, as always, was looking out for my OCD self, she called last night saying she had seen wrapping paper in the BX and she knew I was obsessing about it.

It was a beautiful mild Fall night last night, we didn't need the heaters, which is good, because we still haven't looked at the directons.

Chris has a Japanese lesson tonight, I have Kitsuke practice. So even though it's early here (0600) we're going to work so we can leave a little early today and get some running around done.

update:

The fire at the hospital wasn't really a fire at all, but rather a drill. The smoke was from a smoke bomb, used to simulate well, smoky conditions.

Fire!

So we worked late tonight and on the way home, drove past the base hospital. We noticed an ambulance, a pumper and another fire truck in the front parking lot. Then we noticed all the smoke!

There was a fire somewhere in the hospital!

That was our excitement for the day.

Now What?

Yesterday was the first official night of Fall in the T-P household--we turned on the heaters. Well, as much as we could, as we both seem to have forgotten how to operate them and since everything is labelled in Kanjii...we went from freezing to roasting in 30 seconds flat.

I also had a kimono lesson yesterday. My Kimono Sensei, Eiko-san is back and feeling better. I missed her terribly last month and was worried as she was very sick. I sent along a little handmade get well card (a hand-colored print of a kimono, of course) and hoped that I got the gist of it across. Apparently, I made her cry, she was so touched. I didn't want her to cry! I'm glad I she liked the card and I'm glad she's feeling better, I was genuinely concerned. She's the closest thing I have to a real Japanese friend/mentor.

She graded me on my Nagoya obi skills. I got a 17/100 on the first try (she's tough) and the second time, after I got a few pointers, I got a 90/100. Better, but not perfect. I'm going to try to get a shojo (certificate) in Kitsuke (Kimono Dressing), so I need to nail that 100!

Eiko-san also gave me a beautiful Uwagi (jacket) as a presentto (present). It's grey silk and lovely. I am very rucky!

I think I had two heart attacks this week, shit went crazy at work and I got so riled up I actually had chest pains. I also had one sulk and three rants. I was in the middle of a particularly foul-mouthed rant when one of the Majors strolled into the shop. Oops. Luckily, he's probably the nicest man ever but I don't think he took my suggestion that we be allowed to tazer the really stoopid (l)users as the serious idea it was.

Another heart-attack inducing suprise was that a job offer for Weisbaden, Germany has come our way. We could leave as soon as February 06. That's right, it would mean a curtailment of our stay in Japan. We are completely uncertain as to how we should proceed. Weisbaden is very desirable and it is hard to get jobs there. If we pass it up, we may not get another chance. But I was just coming to grips with the fact we were going to stay in Japan at least one more year and the thought of moving just as we're settling in is disconcerting. Also, the idea of giving up on my language lessons (no matter how I despise them) and my kimono lessons and my cute Japanese house and the wonderful friend I have in Eiko-san makes me want to cry. Also weighing heavily into the equation is that fact (don't tell them, they'll all get fat heads) that I love the guys I work with--The Spaz, The Curmudgeon and The Texan. We make fun of each other and argue a lot and occasionally get really mad at each other, but the work dynamic is great, we get stuff done and even manage to have fun. The thought of leaving early makes me feel bad, they would really be struggling for a while, not that I'm irreplaceable, since most days I just keep my Aeron Chair warm, but, well, I just like our shop. A lot. But I'd like to go to Germany AND I'd like to stay in Japan. I need to choose between two wonderful opportunities--stay in Japan or go to Germany. We have to have a decision by Friday (11/4). Now what?

Stupid Dead People Tricks

Today, in the mail, I received an letter addressed to my dad. It was an offer for life insurance. Dad's has been dead almost eight years. I thought it was funny, in an "Oh, geez." kind of way.

Happy Halloween!

A picture postcard for Halloween, courtesy of Seto Sensei.

Bazaar

Today (Sunday, Oct 30) and yesterday, I worked the Far East Bazaar, volunteering to help out at a kimono stand (where else), Le Kimono Galerie. I had the time of my life! Ikeda-San and I had loads of fun selling Kimono.

I got to practice my Japanese on Ikeda-san and my Kitsuke(Kimono Dressing) on lots of unsuspecting individuals. Even though we were missing a lot of the ginch for proper Kitsuke, I managed to make the kimono and obi look pretty good. As a matter of fact, I think a lot of people went home with an obi and a kimono when they just set out to get a kimono. Chris says he thinks Le Kimono Galerie did much more business this year than it did last year. =)

Every time a little girl came into the stall, I put a kimono or a yukata on her. No pressure, I just asked if they would like to try one on. We sold a lot that way, especially when the little girls were with their Daddies (sorry about your budget, Nic). One little girl was so cute, she came back to pick up her purchase and I dressed her up in her yukata again, and she wore it home!

The guys were the funniest. I helped a lot of clueless guys. One guy seemed so uncertain about an obi he had chosen as a gift for his mother-in-law. I hope that MIL really likes the obi, her son-in-law put a lot of thought into choosing it, spending well over an hour looking at different obis. The one he finally picked was really great and I hope she can tell the care, earnestness and thoughtfulness with which it was chosen.

The vendor across from us, a Japanese couple selling handmade pottery, came over to me as we were nearing the end of the Bazaar. The husband said he and his wife liked my shirt (a funky Japanese-print shirt that I bought years ago in the States) and they thought it was great I was practicing my Japanese. In addition, they were impressed with how hard I worked and how kind and helpful I was! They also said that they were amazed by my ability to pick out kimono and obi, and how well I was able to tie the obi. The wife said that most Japanese (herself included) don't know much about kimono and that they were glad that Ikeda-San had someone like me to help him. I'm still smiling from those compliments.

By the way, Ikeda-San doesn't know how to do the kimono, either men's or women's, so when he modelled a men's outfit for a customer (dressed like Elivs! I saw Elvis at the Bazaar!), I had to tie his Hakama for him. I haven't had a formal lesson in Hakama yet--but I know how to time them from doing Kendo!

Ikeda-San gave me a beautiful antique obi (Meiji Era) as a thank-you. I was astonished (and thrilled). As the Japanese say "Rucky (lucky)!"

The Bazaar returns in the spring and I'm planning on volunteering again. This time, I think I will wear a kimono when I am working. I was going to wear one today, but my skills aren't up to snuff just yet. Were it just Americans around, no problem, but at the Bazaar, I will be surrounded by Japanese vendors and shoppers and the Japanese have an incredible eye for detail, so I need to make sure it everything looks perfect if I am going to wear their national costume.

I also won a raffle item. I NEVER win raffle items but this time I did. I wish I had not. I won an ginormous ugly-ass blanket. I threatened to give it to Sly as a Christmas gift! It's got a tacky tiger on it. Too bad that you cannot see that the tacky tiger has a lazy eye! Messed up-yet warm! So here's my new ugly-ass blanket. I already pwned the ugly-ass spousal unit.

Zen Hot Dogs

So the Zen master steps up to the hot dog cart and says: "Make me one with everything."

The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill. The hot dog vendor puts the bill in the cash drawer and closes the drawer.

"Where's my change?" asks the Zen master. The hot dog vendor responds: "Change must come from within."

Ack!

Chris told his mom about my blog...without telling me first! She's probably seen it and is apalled.

Chris' mother is a very nice, very proper midwestern-raised lady and wouldn't say s*** if she had a mouthful. I find this trait admirable, but impossible to emulate.

Lest you think I lack a proper upbringing, I certainly do not. My mom raised me as best she could, but could only do so much with me. I really don't ever remembering her using bad words while I was growing up, so it's not like I was beset by bad examples. It's just that sometimes, I AM the bad example.

So now Mrs. P has seen the blog and the bad words and now I don't know what to do. I don't really want to edit myself, because I enjoy the outlet the blog gives me and I know that my own mother reads it, too, so it can't be that bad, or Mom would have called and yelled at me, as mothers do. But still, I have to wonder about my use of bad language and how that makes my mother-in-law think of me.

Well, shit.

Tofu

とふのかどにあたまをうつけてしねえ

Romanji: tofu no kado ni atama wo utsukete shinee

Word for Word: tofu of corner on head bumped die

Proper English: If you bumped your head on the corner of a piece of tofu, you would die.

The Gist: You're softheaded/stupid.

It's a Japanese insult. I think it's funny, even if you don't.

Hairz

Chris was tired of his longish orange hair. What, it doesn't look orange? Are you sure?
So he had a very nice Japanese barber give him a haircut. Chris said when the barber started, he looked at Chris' hair and said "Goodbye." A lot of hair was on the floor by the end of the process. When Chris left the shop, the barber told him "Don't catch a cold!"

Chris looks a LOT different. I've never seen him with his hair this short.

Giant White @$$!

Look! It's box with a giant white @$$! No, wait, it's actually the trademark for Momo (peach) Brand matches.

The Peach trademark was registered in 1892. It's one of the most famous and instantly recognizable logos in Japan. The Japanese, unlike me, recognize it as a peach and not a giant white @$$!

A trend right now is t-shirts featuring the vintage labels of Japanese brands, like Peach Brand matches and Shiroyuki (white snow) Brand sake.

I really dig the vintage match label, but honestly, I bought it because at first glance, I thought it was a giant white @$$! The thought of that made me just totally lose it laughing because sometimes I have the sense of humour of a 10 year-old.

The nice Japanese word for your backside is Oshiri.

AlterCATion

So I got up at 0515 today, since Sly and I were scheduled for spinning class. I ducked into the den to check my email before I got into my workout clothes and happened to notice that Genji the Cat wasn't in the room. This was not unusual, since we leave the door to the balcony open and Genji goes in and out as he pleases. The balcony is narrow, has a very high, solid wall surrouding it and is 20 feet off the ground. Genji likes to lay out there when the weather is sunny.

While I'm checking Email, the neighborhood dogs went apeshit. I figured it was one of the delivery guys until...

WHOOAAAIIIIIRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Suddenly, I get the whim-whams and gooseflesh creeps up on my arms. That is one spooky noise.

WHOOAAAIIIIIRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

I glanced out onto the balcony and didn't see Genj anywhere. Then something occurred to me.
I ran out of the bed and into the bedroom and woke Chris up.

"Chris, Chris, did you put the cat in the den when you went to bed last night?"

WHOOAAAIIIIIRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

"Huh, yeah, whuh?"

"Genji's not in his room or on the balcony and there's..."

WHOOOAROOOAAAAAAIIIIIIIIII!"

Chris got dressed and flew out of the room, downstairs and out the door. I was hopping around trying to get into my biking tights, my sports bra, my socks, everything all at once and get down the stairs and get outside, too.

"Oh my god, Chris, what if he fell off the roof and a leg or four are broken?" I hollered at Chris as he shot out into the front yard (yes, Genji would fall off the roof, trust me). I was having horrible visions of finding a big splotch of cat jello in the middle of the yard.

WHOOAAAIIIIIRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

We looked out into the yard to see (whole) Genji and a mysterious, goddamn creepy-ass black cat (!) in the middle of a standoff by our storage shed. Chris shooed off the strange cat, which hissed, puffed up and practically flew over our gate like a bat out of Hell. The nasty beast impudently settled down on the sidewalk and stared through the gate at us as we dashed into the house. I would not have been suprised if that creepy-ass cat had shot fucking death rays out of its evil yellow eyes.

Genji seemed relieved to be back inside, and I could totally relate. Who wants to mess around with a Black Devil Cat with Death Ray Eyes! Genji didn't seem to have anything broken or sprained and we didn't see any bites or scratches, which was a relief. Genji is rear-wheel drive only and before someone starts giving me shit about how inhumane it is to declaw a cat, let me say that when I adopted Genji from the animal shelter (saving him from being euthanized) he was already declawed. Besides, if that other cat could shoot death rays, claws wouldn't have helped.

Sly came by to pick me up and I told her all about our big early morning adventure. She found it hilarious, since she owns Bibi, who is total Ghetto Cat. Bibi, despite being declawed, loves to get outside and go pick fights with cats, with dogs, with anybody. Bibi, who is a total thug, might have had chance against Death Ray Eyes Devil Cat, but Genji would have been doomed.

Anyway, Chris spoke briefly with our neighbor, Deb, after I left. Apparently, she came out to walk her dog at about 0500. She noticed Genji sitting on the low wall dividing our yards. He had probably slipped on the rain-slicked tin roof and gone sailing off. Once down in the yard, Genji had decided to hang around until someone noticed he wasn't around, took him inside and fed him. About the time that I got up and went to check my email was probably about the time that the Death Ray Black Cat appeared and he and Genji started talking cat-trash to each other.

Man, I hope that creepy black cat stays away.