Hanayome

Today, I had a very long lesson (about six hours, but not entirely non-stop) on how to hanayome, or bridal kimono.

I practiced on my mannequin at first. When after she was done with work, Masako-san came over and I got to dress her. Working on a real person is actually much easier than working on a mannequin.

This particular kind of hanayome is called shiromuku, since the outfit is entirely white. Some hanayome types are very colorful, with red being a very dominate colour choice, as red is considered a lucky color.

Hanayome outfits, because of the number of layers and the quality of silk, tend to be very heavy. Masako said this one wasn't too bad, maybe about 10 pounds.
Fancier or more heavily embroideried outfits can weight up to 20 pounds or so!

Even an experienced kimono dresser needs an assistant in order for the hanayome to be put on as efficiently as possible.

Bunka

Bunka is the Japanese word for "culture".

On Saturday, Eiko-san invited us to go with her to a culture recital with her on Sunday. I was pretty psyched! I figured it would be a nice way to spend two hours.

We picked up Eiko-san at 11, after we spent an hour getting ready, because we weren't sure what to wear and Chris ended up having to put on a tie at the last minute. We were both sort of nervous, this was a new thing and we don't have much Japanese and Eiko-san has only a few words of English (NO!, OK, GOOD! BAD! and husband)

We picked up Eiko-san at the BX and went to the Bunkakan (Perfoming Arts Hall) is right out the main gate, next to the library! I felt kind of bad that I had no idea that it was there (or what it was). Chris said it wasn't a big deal, the flyers are all in kanjii and we don't get the native language papers and they don't advertise in the English ones, so it wasn't for a lack of interest, it was more a lack of information.

Eiko-san was worried about where we could park because parking in Misawa is pretty much non-existent, however, we got an amazing park (as Eiko-san said "Rucky!"), directly in front of the hall.

The hall was very nice, in a 70's kind of way.

The tickets were 2000 yen a piece (about 17 bucks) and Eiko-san wouldn't let us pay. She took us to our seats, then we came back out to the lobby where they were selling dance and theatrical supplies. Eiko-san introduced me to one of the dance teachers. He was very elegant, despite being in a gimme cap and work clothes. She introduced me as her student! =)


When we walked into the theatre proper, we noticed:

1. We were the only foreigners. My blonde hair would have stuck out except it was blocked by the woman two rows over that had a two-foot tall hairdo. Seriously.
2. There was a range of dress styles, from sweatpants (the old guy across the aisle) to full suit and tie
--that would be Chris and a few other men)
3. People bring snacks. A lot of snacks. I thought that was strange.
4. The program was magazine-sized. It had 69 entries, which I thought was the list of performers.

For people who produce some of the best techinical equipment in the world, the sound system in the auditorium was terrible (but the seats were comfy)! I don't think they had any kind of mixing board or other controls --they simply turned up the volume. My brother, a gifted musician, will attest to the fact that if *I* can tell something's bad, it is. Really bad.

The perfomance began at noon, with a lovely traditional dance. I wasn't sure if I could take pictures, so I missed a few opportunities at the start, until I realized it was okay.

* * * F I V E H O U R S L A T E R * * *

1. It was not a list of actors in the programme, it was a list of acts. Yes, 69 acts!
2. I was starving, not having had anything to eat since 9am. I'm used to eating every three hours, too.
3. Chris was asleep. He started to snore, too.
4. I had more Japanese culture in one afternoon than in two years of being here!
5. The acts had all started to look/sound pretty much the same.
6. THERE WERE STILL 26 ACTS TO GO.
7. At this rate, the show would be finishing up at about 7:30pm.
8. Now I understood all the bento (lunchbox) lunches.
9. I was ready to cry. Really.
10. And I was unable to ask if would be okay to leave! Damn my English-centric propensities.

Luckily, Eiko-san is pretty damn observant and took pity on us and we left. On the way home, she treated us to coffee and cheesecake. We tried to jump up and pay the check, and she shouted NO! quite loudly, causing everyone in the coffee shop to turn around and look at us. Eek.

Here we are after the show. Chris is doing the Japanese version of "rabbit ears" over my head--it's supposed be the rays of light ( halo) radiating from the buddha's head. And here is me with Eiko-san.


Eiko-san gave me a souvenir-- a beautiful Odori (Dance) fan...in purple. She's so sweet. And we played the obi game during the shows--everytime a performer came onstage in a kimono with an obi knot that I knew how to do, she would point it out.

I enjoyed the first 10 acts, but honestly, I'm not going to want or need to see any sort of cultural thing for a while. Possibly ever again.

Kakunodate Trip

Kakunodate is a former castle town in Akita Prefecture and is well known for its beautifully preserved samurai district and spectacular cherry blossom festival.

The cherry blossoms weren't even budding when we went, but on the news last night, they showed them getting ready to bloom. But even without the blossoms, our trip was terrific. What a nice way to spend the day, walking around in the warmth and the sunshine and seeing the sights. Actually, it was probably nicer than if the cherries were in bloom, because then the place would have been a madhouse.

We parked at a parking lot that was advertising 500yen for the whole day. We drove in, parked, and couldn't find the lot attendant. Figuring it was "pay when you leave", we spent the day out enjoying Kakunodate. When we were done, we noticed there were still no cars in the lot and they had closed off the lot! We drove around trying to find an exit when a worker finally waved us over, telling us that this lot was closed for renovation and we should go around the block and park at the lot there! He told us there was no charge when we tried to pay him, so we got parking for free! Yay for being stupid round-eye foreigners.

I'll post the pictures soon.

Wait

One thing about being here that really makes me unhappy is that I am about 20 hours of travelling away. News doesn't always travel quickly or efficiently. I got an email from my mother today, which is not unusual, but what was upsetting was it was not the best news regarding my Aunt Den. She has a health issue that has been ongoing since last week.

After reading the email, I immediately called AD, she sounds chipper, they're just playing a waiting game. Other than this mystery thing, she's in good health. I'm reluctant to say more, as I am not sure if her kids read this. If you guys are reading this--call your mom and don't tell her that you saw it here, ok? Or when you are in Kiawa and she talks about it, act suprised but don't rat me out. This is one of the few ways I have to cope.

So I was all wound up from hormones, drugs, and the doctors and from the phone call. I'm probaby making mountains out of molehills since nothing has really been determined, but all I could do was stand in the foyer and cry, which is stupid, because crying doesn't generally do anything except make my eyes red and my nose runny.

The odd thing was, if I had received the same news about my mother, I can say, without a doubt, that I would not have reacted with a big boo-hoo. But relationships between mothers and daughters are strange, to say the least. My mother has a living will. I am the designated puller of the plug if she's on life support. I asked her why me and she said because I have a mean streak wide enough to kick the plug out of the wall. =) Of course I would be upset if Mom was having problems, but I would be working out logistics and whatnot. There would be something to latch onto, a problem or problems to wrestle with, something to get angry about or occupied with. It's not like I'm a wuss. When I was 19, my best friend and the person I loved most in the world was slowly dying of cancer. It was like watching a slow-motion train wreck over and over, but I took care of her and her house and what I needed to, so it's not like I am a complete wimp, there's some iron will in there, and as such, I was completely suprised by this morning's outburst. The little logical "watcher" (you know, the little voice that remains rational during drunks or bad trips or car accidents or in whatever bad shit is going down) in the back of my brain was totally like "WTF?", which had to be a first. It usually knows what to do.

My brother said to me once, after seeing me handle my grandfather dropping dead in the garage, and my mother threatening to kill herself the Xmas after dad died and giving eulogies at both my father's and my grandmother's funerals, without crying or freaking out, that I had a certain ability to put away who I am and get on with the unpleasant things that have to be done. Bill said "It's like 'the sister you know is not here right now, I am this stone-cold stranger who is completely calm and unfazed and let's do this and if you can't do it, too, just get the fuck out of my way." Bill says it's the scariest thing he has ever seen me do and it frightens him on a very deep level.

But that didn't happen, not this time. I stood in the foyer and cried. I'm not crying now but simply waiting, because that's all I can do from over here.

Ukiyo-E

After watching Tate selecting scorpions for his next tattoo, I have to admit that I've been wanting more ink. Sly had mentioned getting another, too. Sly wants her mon for her next tattoo. Sly's mon is a mitsudome. She wants the crest on her back, between her shoulderblades. This made me laugh pretty hard, becasue if a kimono has a mon in that location, that means it is semi-formal. So Sly's birthday suit would be semi-formal. Oh, it's funny, in a kimono-geek kind of way, trust me. I have a kimono from Sly that has her family crest on it, in the middle of the shoulders. Sly and her mom have been so kind as to allow me to wear their crest. I love that fact so much it makes me cry. I will post a picture of my most special kimono soon and tell you all about it. But I digress.

The picture I want, based on an "ukiyo-e" (Japanese woodblock print) print would have to be a backpiece. I gave up trying to describe the image and brought the book with the print into work to show people. Here's the print. You can click to see the larger version.

This is a woodblock print by Kuniyoshi of the Lady Hatsuhana in prayer under the Gongen waterfall at Hakone from the series Stories of wise women and faithful wives.

A quick summary of the story: Hatsuhana's husband had sworn revenge against his brother's killer. However, Hatsuhana's husband was badly wounded in a skirmish with the killer and was left unable to walk. Hatsuhana faithfully cared for him, even pulling him around in a wheeled cart. Seeing her husband so enraged at being helpless and unable to seek his sworn vengance, she went to Hakone to do ascetic penance under the pounding ice-cold water of the Tozen waterfall. Miraculously, her husband was cured and vengeance was wrought, but poor Hatsuhana died from her ordeal. Hatsuhana is held up as an example of martial fidelity and devotion as well as example of the fearlessness, fierceness, and selflessness of the Samurai wife.

I first saw the print in a book is called Heroes and Ghosts , a collection of woodblock prints by Kuniyoshi. Woodblocks are prints and are endeavors that began as Edo-era simple drawings and gradually developed into a complex printing process.

Kelly had asked if the process was done using one block, carved away as it was used for each color vice one block used for specifically for each color. In the case of ukiyo-e, it's one block for each color. Not only that, while the artist (such as Kuniyoshi) did the original drawing, he didn't necessarily carve or ink or do the other parts of the process himself. In fact, Japanese Printmaking is composed of the division of labor of many craftmen, such as painters, engravers and printers, and needs at least the same number of different woodblocks as colors, often more than twenty wood-blocks. At first, there was just a one color woodblock prints with brush-added color in the 1710s, then two or three colors wood-block prints evolved in the 1740s, and finally in the 1760s the multi-color wood-block prints called "nishiki-e" (brocade picture) was invented and continued to the early Meiji period in 1890s.

Whoa

Aaaah, co-workers.

Oooookay, so today, Kelly wouldn't tell me my boobs looked bigger than usual, because he "didn't want to create an uncomfortable workplace enviroment." That threw me for a loop, I mean look at the blog (DANGER DANGER WILL ROBINSON GROSS STUFF) of that creepy little man. Kelly is a man who has discussed, vividly, at length and in great detail the joy of pooping on people's chests (and that's a mild conversation).

I can't even begin to explain why he wouldn't just flat out tell me. I think maybe he wasn't feeling well. He finally told me, in a roundabout way, but only after I started getting paranoid that my cat flap was open or the lump on my lip really did look like Space Herpes (although I did offer to share) or I had a booger hanging out of my nose or something.

The boobs are not any bigger than usual. It's just that since November, I've worn humongous wooly sweaters because it was so cold, and said woolly sweaters made it look like my boobs had flown south for the winter.

Spring is here, stuff is bust-ing out all over.

Neener, neener, neener.

Yay!

I got my results from my annual exam. I have a healthy hoo-hoo. Thought you'd like to know.

Lost in Translation

I wrote a letter on Monday, thanking Ikeda-san for the fun I had at the Big Bazaar and for his generous gift of kimono and accessories. Here's the original:

Monday, April 03, 2006

Dear Ikeda-San,

As I look out the window, I don’t see Cherry Blossoms, I see snow! Spring has yet to come to Misawa! I wonder if spring has come to Yokohama yet? Will you take time off from working to do Hanami?

I am writing to thank you for the wonderful time I had selling kimono with you at the Big Bazaar. It was very good to see you; you are looking well and that makes me happy.

I also wanted to thank you for your kindness and for all the lovely kimono you gave to me. You were far too generous, I wish you had let me pay for those items – I may have used up all of your profits! When I wear my lovely kimono, I will think warmly of you.

I am looking forward to seeing you again at the Fall Bazaar! I hope will we do lots of business and have lots of fun. Until then, please take good care of yourself.

Your Friend,

I sent this off to be translated (by a human being) and this is what I got:

2006年4月3日（月）

親愛なる池田さん

窓の外を見ても、桜の花は見えません。見えるのは雪です！ 三沢には春はまだ来ていません。横浜には春は来ましたか？ 仕事を休んで花見に行かれますか？

ビッグ・バザールであなたと一緒に着物を販売して素晴らしい時を過ごしたことに感謝の気持ちをお伝えするために、この手紙を書いています。あなたと会えてとてもよかった。あなたは素敵で、私を幸せにします。

私は、あなたのご厚意と、あなたが私に下さったかわいい着物にも感謝しています。あなたがあまりに気前がよかったので、私は代金をお支払させていただければよかったのにと思っています。私はあなたの利益を全部使ってしまったかも知れません。私がこのかわいい着物を着るとき、私はあなたのことを思い出して、心が暖かくなるでしょう。

秋のバザールで再びお目にかかることを楽しみにしています。たくさんの仕事をして、たくさん楽しみたいと思っています。それまで、お体にお気をつけ下さい。

あなたのお友達

And finally, for shits and giggles, I ran the above through WorldLingo (machine translation):

2006 April 3rd (Monday)

Ikeda which becomes love

Looking at outside the window, the flower of the cherry tree is not visible. Those where it is visible are the snow! Spring it has not come to Misawa yet. Spring it came to Yokohama? Work going to bed, you go to Hanami?

Selling you and the kimono together in the big bazaar, when being splendid, in order for us to convey the feeling of appreciation to passing, you write this letter. Being able to meet with you, it was very good. You being cute, make me happy.

You appreciate even in the lovely kimono as for me, your kindness and, you in me. Because you generosity were good excessively, you think if I the payment could point to price. Perhaps me you used your profit entirely. When me wearing this lovely kimono, as for me remembering your thing, heart becomes warm, probably will be.

It enjoys that again it depends on the eye in the bazaar of the fall. Doing many works, the large quantity we would like to enjoy. To that, please pay attention to the body.

Your friend

Storytime

Today I volunteered at the Library! I read a story called Suki's Kimono to about 12 kids, all under the age of 6. I wore one of my kimono, too. The one I wore is a Taisho-era kimono, so its really colorful and quaint. After I read the story, I had paper kimono for the kids to color as well as origami samurai helmets. Tami, the head librarian, took pictures:

I originally had every intention of changing into yofuku (Western) clothes and going into work but then I decided to call it a wash and head over to the Kaneya kimono shop and show them I can dress myself. I ordered a cute pair of patterned tabi, since I always like to buy something when I go there. I had a nice chat with the one lady who speaks some English. She told me all about her trip to Norfolk VA. She's been to America four times, with her husband, who is in the service. I think he's Japanese, but she said she learned her English from her husband's American friends. She seemed excited to have someone to talk to and I was excited to be that person. I have got to work harder on my conversational Japanese. While we were chatting, I got tea and a higashi (sweet) which is always nice. The elderly lady who is the shop manager came in and was so excited to see me! She was laughing because I had left the basting stitches in my kimono. Duh! She was also pretty impressed that I dressed myself, and told me (again) that many Japanese can't dress themselves, let alone as well as I did (except for the basting threads). It was a nice way to spend some time.

Then it was home, take off the wafuku (kimono), finish the laundry, work on MCSE, Japanese, and web pages and narf down lunch. I need to squeeze in a 20 minute run today, but my hair looks great for once, and so does my makeup and I don't want to wipe off the makeup and wreck the hair by going for a run. This is unusual for me, since usually I'm a hot mess and I don't give a damn. Man, the day is fading fast. I also want to do some knitting and I wanted to bake cookies...

Mondays

I worked half a day yesterday, so that makes this Monday feel even worse.

Flash Your Stash 2006

Gundel showed me hers, so I'll show her mine! My stash is considerably smaller than it was when I arrived in Japan almost 2 years ago. Some of it has to do with actually knitting stuff and some of has to do with sending scads of Japanese yarn to Sista and Gundel. When I finally get this stuff knitted up, I'm going to stick to buying yarn for a project and nothing more. No more hoarding. It really drives me nuts to have unfinished projects. Most of the remaining yarn actually has projects assigned to it. The big purple skein of Lamb's Pride will make a hat--quickly! I wasn't sure if I should include the batts in the stash, since technically, they're not yarn. The green and green- blue skeins are also Hello Yarn and will be a scarf and hat for the mister. The five skeins of Plymouth Encore were orginally going to be a sweater for Chris, but he gained weight, and I didn't have enough yarn to go up a size, so seven of the original 12 skeins have been made up into hats, socks, scarves, teddy bears, etc. I might knit myself some arm warmers (for biking on cold mornings) with the remaining skeins so I can use them up! The fuzzy pink yarn is for stuff I send to Insou, although the mister has been hinting he'd like to see me in a bikini made out of it. He can keep hinting. The purple Hello Yarn silk tussah mix is going to be a purse, once I can find handles that will do it justice. I love knitting Hello Yarn. It makes even my stitches look great. The sock yarn came from Gundel and I'm working up to making socks with it. The green ribbon Berroco was leftover from a tank I made for my mom. The white acrylic is used for practicing new stitches and for crafts. The red Japanese yarn was leftover from a hat, mitten and teddy bear set. The purple satin ribbon Berroco yarn will be a tank top for me. The purple Berroco suede is going to be a purse for someone. The rose and orange mixed Berocco ribbon are spares for a knitted t-shirt I'm currently working on. The big skein of blue/purple/green is Hello Yarn and is going to be a sleeveless sweater for ME. The cotton yarn is also Hello Yarn, but I forgot what I had scheduled for it. The green ribbon skein was supposed to be fringe for a scarf, then trim for my mom's tank top, but that didn't work out. Now I have no idea what the #$@& to do with it.

Currently, I'm working on a checkerboard pattern scarf in that damn Plymouth Encore (I think I'm going to make it massively long), a ribbon t-shirt (I fear I have lost my place on the decreases for the sleeve set-in and may have to start over, since the note I had pinned to the piece has gone missing) and I have a pair of booties I knitted, washed and blocked but haven't sewn up.

God

Penn Jillette does not believe in God. Sly does.

I was glad to be a part of her baptism, even if I did not appreciate it on a religious level, I appreciated it as an important and profound
milestone in her life.

My husband will not discuss his (conflicted) religous beliefs with me.
I was hoping it would be an interesting discussion. Nope.

Most Japanese are not Christians and practice a combination of Shintoism and Buddhism. Real Buddhism (not the"lite" stuff Westerners see) is scary.You pretty much go it alone, although there are buddhas to help you out now and again. Buddhists have over 1,000 different kinds of hell and hell is not hard to get into but hard as...uh hell, to get out.

Buddhists don't go to heaven as we think of "heaven."
Ultimately, they want to be come nothingness, so as to stop reincarnating but doing so requires about 1,800 devotional acts, most of which are agonizingly difficult on a mental and spirtual level. I believe there's some level of acetism, too.

Religions of all sorts are strange.

Things

Yesterday, I got home from work to discover
that Spring had been sprung.

However, this morning, Spring was back in lockup.
Japanese Spring is just Winter every other day instead
of Winter every day.I bought this buddha because I
think he looks like my sensei, Don.
Don is a splendid name for a
buddha to go by. I am officially thin enough to wear
Japanese medium-sized clothing.
When I got here, I wore L or
LL sizes. Also, I am a dork.
This Japanese laundry soap
smells like Spree candy.
However, it still tastes like soap.
You have to brush your teeth
a LOT to get rid of the taste, too.

I accidentally bought (and drank) carrot tea two days ago.
The bottle was pretty, which is why I bought it.
It wasn't bad but it was a weird color. So was my pee, afterwards.
No pictures (thank heaven).

Kimono Ho

I spent the weekend pimpin' kimono. I was volunteering at the Far East Bazaar. Of course, I worked with the Kimono vendor: Le Kimono Galerie. Ikeda-san is the owner and a very sweet guy. I wore kimono both days, and I think it really helped business. Besides, I needed the practice and the opportunity to wear the damn things outside of my home. I got lots of compliments on this outfit, even though if you told someone I was wearing purple, yellow, and magenta, they would probably go "yuck!" My pose in the picture to the right is not the most dignified one, but it's the best of the pictures. I look constipated in the other ones for some reason.

The best thing though, is that I can see that my kitsuke skills have improved tremendously over the course of my studies. So much, in fact that today, I passed the ultimate acid test; a Japanese man said to me, "Your kimono is perfect. Who dressed you?" I told him that I study kitsuke and I dressed myself. "Even the Japanese can not do that so well. Very good!" Yee-haw. It only took 20 minutes for me to get dressed. Last week, I tried for the first time in a long time, and it was two hours. Saturday took 30 minutes and today, like I said, was 20--and this outfit looked better than the previous two.

So I sold lots of kimono and obi. As a thank-you, Ikeda-san hooked me up! I got a bag full of kimono and kimono accessories for five bucks. I was like "Holy Crap!" please let me pay for some of this, but he wouldn't hear of it. There go the profits, right out the door (and into my kimono tansu). Well, sort of. The kimono tansu has reached the bursting point. I have 33 kimono crammed into it, and that's not counting the wedding robes (six) or the complete hanayome (wedding) set that Eiko-san foisted on me (there's 2k worth of white silk in that box--I'm afraid to even touch it, for fear of stains). I'm thinking I may have to empty the drawer that contains the underrobes, scarves, ties and hardware to make room for more items. I have been trying desperately to find a chest or even a nice wicker basket to this end, but no such luck. Chris asked if I wanted to get another tansu, but that's just way too dangerous, as I would feel absolutely compelled to fill that one, too. Well, not all the kimono would be in there-- Chris has a couple of kimono now, too! Well, three. But I'm counting a full 10 piece formal set as "one."

So now I am off to dinner--a diet-wrecking treat of tempura at Yamakura. Yay! Tempura. And I'm gonna wear my kimono!

A Week of Random

It's been a busy week.

I was off Monday, but spent the whole day cleaning someone else's house because their pets decided to shit on every level surface in the household. I didn't get half of my chores done.

I made a roast chicken on Tuesday (I think, I'll have to check with Sly) and we had a nice sit down dinner (with Sly, obviously).

It was a short week at work (I put in 18 hours over the weekend), since I wasn't there Monday or today (Friday) and left early (I picked up extra hours on Wednesday) on Tuesday and Thursday. That left me feeling all discombobulated, because, well, I wasn't at work.

Three days of recovery from a hard stint at the gym-not going to the gym threw me off, too. I'm such a creature of habit--if it's interval training on the treadmill-it must be Tuesday. I've been increasing the duration of my workouts pretty quickly over the last three weeks and it wiped me out. I needed the rest badly--I think my hip flexors have begrudgingly forgiven me. The rest really helped, I needed it. I need to add a yoga workout or two this coming week. The first week in April will get me back into lifting weights (and swimming lessons).

This week, I tried to be a little more pulled-together, outfit-wise, at work (more on why I'm falling apart in the next paragraph). So I finally wore wore a narrow-rib black sweater that was an Xmas gift from Stephanie, my SIL. It's cotton so it was a little too light to wear this winter (I wore monster woolly ski sweaters all winter) AND as much as I hate to admit, I was too chubby to wear it sooner. But being down from 137 to 119 pounds since January helped. And the fact that the sweater is incredibly flattering and makes me look another ten pounds slimmer really helped, too. I wore it with my black alligator print boots (thanks Mrs. Phelps for re-mailing them to me) and a pair of my "skinny jeans". I really, really like the sweater-so I called Stephanie to thank her again. I asked if she could find me a bathing suit that would vanish 10 pounds, too!
It was really nice to talk to her.

Work is a mess. Two co-workers (and friends) got their funding pulled, so the site is trying to keep them here, as they heads is full of the improntant no-ledge. In order to do so, it seems that they would have to be put onto the contract on which I (and 11 others) work. In order to do THAT, 2 or 3 less "essential" individuals will be sent home. Everyone is freaking out and leadership can't get their heads out of their asses and make a decision.The one Lt. Col. is a very sweet man, I know he's hoping and praying for last minute money so he doesn't have to let anyone go but sometimes, you just have to cut bait and run. All the contractors understand and no one is going to hate him, really. We just want answers. Nobody is getting much work done anyway because everyone is speculating (and making contingency plans). Sly, as the team lead, is furious with them because people just need to know, so they can begin all the running around that happens when you have to go back stateside.

Thursday, I went to the local thrift shop and got two cute shirts, a pair of zori (kimono shoes) that were BRAND NEW and an interesting color, a scarf and a set of dishes. The owner of the store seemed very tickled about the dishes, which are reproductions of the works of Kano-school artist (and I thought an art-history degree was useless). He was pleased when I recognized the name and was able to use the Japanese names of the flowers, grass and animals depicted on the little dishes. I think he was also pleased to have someone on which to unload some Engrish. I did have one brief American moment. When I was looking at the dishes, I noticed that there were five (even though there are four seasons) and I wondered if it the dishes had been part of a set of eight and three broke. Then I realized..duh, the Japanese never give four of anything, since four can be read yon or shi and shi is also the word for death. Four is considered unlucky. So the plates came in a set of five.

Also this morning, I talked to my mom for about an hour-and-a-half. She had her colon scoped as part of a routine physical and they found a polyp and they didn't screw around, they pretty much sent her to surgery right away to have it removed. Mom said she got serious good drugs (Demerol and something else)and doesn't remember anything, but apparently she talked to everybody on the way into the operating room. When she came back for a follow up, people she didn't know were saying "Hi Connie!" and being her best friends and my mother was totally like "Who the hell are you?"
Mom had no symptoms--no pain, no blood in her poop, nothing, but the polyp they removed from her colon was about an inch long. Gross! The growth was benign and as my mother put it, "Thank God, no ass-cancer." My family is fucked up. Ass cancer. Sweet babby jeebus.
There was also some diverticulitis, but it's mild and studies show it can be handled with a [vegetarian] diet and regular exercise and some other lifestyle changes (and my family has made fun of me for years for being a hippie pinko-commie vegetarian health-food-store-shopping hypochonriacal freak). I sent my mom a book on caring for intestinal disorders and a book on juicing and a juicer to go with. Mom is working on getting a "content connie colon" to which I should add "a conent connie colon containing no cancer."

This week, I hung out with Eiko-san after I was done working. I sold two haori, three kimono, two obi and a couple of scrolls. Two of those kimono were sold to co-workers. The guys in the office are getting to the point where they don't want to let their wives come near me...I cost Tate 150 bucks, and Crocker, too. But Dana got it the worst. The last time Eiko-san was here, I sold Dana's wife, Amy, two fancy wedding robes for a total of 700 bucks. I also sold myself some kimono, but I don't want to talk about that. I do not have a problem. I can stop anytime I want. I just don't want to.

My Japanese language listening skills are teh sux0r. I took Eiko-san to do some grocery shopping for American foods and as we were going down the produce aisle, she was happily chattering away. I caught something about dai (big) and mango. I thought she wanted a mango, so I indicated that they were are (over there, away from us). Some more rapid-fire Japanese and then finally she said "We'll ask Masako-san" --meaning "this is like talking to a turd, and I'll take you to go see the translator". At any rate, I got Eiko-san her Folger's (of all things), strawberry jam, a spiral-cut ham, and some instant coffee. Eiko-san couldn't explain the instant coffee in a way I understood, so she finally pointed to the box. "Oh, 'instant' coffee! Eigo da 'instant'!" said I. When Eiko-san looked confused, I said "Hyaku Kohee" (literally quick/fast coffee). Not quite correct, but I got the idea across and she found it funny.

When we saw Masako-san, she explained what Eiko had been saying was not mango but mago (grandchild). Oh, geez. What she had been saying in the grocery store was that her grandchild had been accepted to college (daigakku--big school) in the city of Hakodate, located on the island of Hokkaido. So Eiko wanted a fancy ham for the main course of the dinner party she was going to throw for her mago. So that was the "dai" that I heard...And I can't explain why I thought she was saying mango, other than I'm a dipshit. At least they found this hilarious. Fine, I thought, I can play, too. So just before I left, I went back to the commissary, got a really nice mango and put it into a gift bag. Then I gave it to Eiko san and said: "Kore ga presentto desu. Mago jinaii, MANGO desu yo!" (This (here) is a present (for you). It's not a grandchild, it's (definitely) a mango!". She was laughing so hard she was crying. Point for me. But not for long. I saw Eiko-san's danna-samma (husband) Aizawa-san the next day, and he told me he ate the mango last night. And then he said "Sakayuu mango tabete, mago tabemasen! " (Last evening, I ate the MANGO, not the grandchild). So he got me, too. No point in messing with a professional. Aizawa-san is a total hoot, always making jokes. And showing Chris antique shunga (explicit Japanese woodblock prints).

Masako-san gave me a presentto, too! It is the cutest little handbag, with dragonflies on it. I thought that was so sweet, especially since she doesn't make much money at all and her budget is tight. It makes the gift extra special. We're planning for her to come hang out next week. I told her to bring her laundry, so she doesn't have to pay to use the laundromat. Her american boyfriend PCS'ed to Korea for a year, and she's having a hard time.

I also had a kimono lesson today. I got it into my head that I was going to wear a kimono for it, too. It took me TWO HOURS to get dressed. It should take 20 minutes. I haven't dressed myself in kimono for nearly five months, so I had trouble (you have to reverse a lot of things and I don't think well in reverse) but I did OK, Eiko-san only had a few corrections. Our running joke during practice, when I'm taking too long, is that the person I'm dressing will be late for their party. When I told Eiko-san it took two hours to get dressed she said "Practice more. It should only take 20 minutes. My god, the party would have been OVER!" and Aizawa-san added "Your husband would fall asleep waiting for you!" Oh, they are too, too much.

And that is my week in review.

かにさん

かにさんkani-san (Miss Crab)

カニーさん
kani-san (Ms. Connie)

I know I mentioned that my mother's name, Connieカニー , is pretty much a homonym for the Japanese word for crab, kani かに.

Incidentally, my favorite local kimono shop isかね屋 kaneya, which also sounds similar.

As a result, I'm always on the lookout for items with a crab motif. Not hard to do here, since crabs is good eatin' and make good design motifs for non-commestibles as well. The other night, I was at the local konbeni, Lawsons (Rawsons, if you're Japanese) and in the bakery section, came across this item.

It's a "Kani-San" pastry, made by the Shiraishi baking company.

I wasn't sure if it had crab or bean paste or God knows what for its filling. It was some sort of brown creme, which, from my experience, was probably pork. I'm serious.

But the package had a crab on the label so I picked it up anyway, since it made me think of Mom, and I've been missing her more that usual lately. I would have loved to send it to her, but there's no way it would have survived the week-long journey to the states intact.

Because the pastry was great for its intrinsic WTF? value, I bought it anyway, even if it was full of creamed pork (or God knows what) just to take it home, show Chris, and to take some pictures and post them here.

And besides, the Kani-san logo on the front was sooooo cute, I couldn't resist it. I'm saving it, because I think it would be a really cute tattoo for my mom.

You know it's a girlie crab because she has eyelashes. I think it is disgustingly cute that she's pinching the sa in "san"

The pinchy part also made me think of my mom, who would (and still can) pinch the crap out of us two kids with her toes (I can do it too and Chris and the cat HATE it). You'd be watching TV and all of sudden "WAHHRNK!" get a hell of pinch. Mom would act all innocent and we kids would get majorly pissed off and not really be able to do anything about it. A mother's revenge may be simple, but it is profound (and painful).

Anyhoo, the pastry itself was shaped like a crab! I thought that was pretty cool but on closer inspection, I decided it looked more like a tick (or maybe those face-huggers from Alien). Ew.
Before it could jump on my face and pry my mouth open and take its fattening self directly to my ass, where it would cause large masses of cellulite to arise, I broke off its legs. Or rather one set of them. The pastry was light and flaky, like a croissant and it looked tasty.
But then there was the whole conundrum of what the filling might be. I was truly concerned that it was a savory filling (made with pork). I can't read too many kanji, but I know the one for niku (meat): 肉 I also know sake 酒 (liquor) but that wasn't relevant, although it is an important kanji to know. I didn't see niku (or sake, for that matter) anywhere on the label.

So the the final test was to take a bite of the pastry, even though I'm on a diet and shouldn't be having it. I sort of justified it by reasoning that if it was an (sweet bean paste) it wasn't too bad for me, because an isn't very sugary and it's beans, so it's sort of healthy. If it was pork, I could spit it out. If it was God knows what, I'd swallow it and hope I didn't get a case of the screamin' squits later on.

It wasn't pork! It was chocolate mousse, sort of like what you find in filled donuts. It wasn't as sweet as American donut filling, with less sugar and use of bitter or semi-sweet chocolate, but it was yummy. The filling was only in the leg parts of the crab, not in the body.

Unlike most prepared Japanese food, this one had a nutrition label (I also can read the kanji for calories, fat, carbohydrate and fiber--who's the hardcore dieter here, eh?). So it wasn't great for me: 400 calories, 46g of carbohydrates, 22g of fat (ugh) and 1g of fiber. It meant I had to pass up my breakfast and my morning snack and make sure I got to the gym today, but it was a nice treat and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Sporty

I originally wanted to write about those previously-mentioned delicious, diet-destroying devils, maple buns. However, this is proving more difficult than anticipated, as I'll go and buy one and before I can take a picture of the bun, Chris eats it. This is probably for the better, because otherwise I would eat it (and six more of its fiendishly warm, fresh and fattening friends) and I still have 13 pounds to lose. Since I am without a photograph of a maple bun and accompanying copy, I'll write about our rice cooker.

Rice cookers are big business here (and in China and Korea and so on) and the price range runs the gamut from a dollar bamboo steamer to several hundred dollars. The most common price point seems to be about 160 dollars. The cookers have a zillion functions and can also be used for cooking other things (chicken, steamed buns, etc).

Our rice cooker was a gift from Sly's mom, Midori-san. It's an LG brand, which is a Korean company, known for their high quality and low prices (my last stateside mobile phone was manufactured by them). It has all kinds of features and it works great. Best of all--it's RED, thus making it a sort of sports car model amongst all the plain white cookers. It can go from 0 to 4 servings of rice in 20 minutes (thanks to its pressure-based speed cook option).

It has it's own little "garage" in the kitchen cupboard:The cooker also came with an instruction manual in four languages. But true to the old Asian tradition of making everything into Manga (comic book), the manual has illustrations as well.

Those crazy Koreans. THEY think that this is the univeral icon for "If you wear a pacemaker, you should not use this appliance, as it generates an electrical field that may cause interference."

But they are mistaken, since we know it is the universal icon for
"Do not FUCK with my BUTTON."

And that is my post about my rice cooker, which isn't Japanese but Korean.

PS - The rice cooker's name is Taro. Sly calls hers "Ladybug"

Whoops!

Wow, it's been over a week since the last update! There was a bunch of Japanese-related stuff I wanted to write about, including the Japanese movie genre of pinky violence, but everything's gone out of my head. I did remember to write to say I own the pinky violence movie "Sex and Fury" solely for the scene where the seriously kick-ass (anti-)heroine, armed only with a sword, takes out the 12 bad guys who have surrounded her. And she does it nekkid! Anyhoo...

Sly and I haven't seen much of one another lately. We've both been out of sorts, but now we're both doing better. I love Sly so much!

So we both went to the onsen last night. Ahhhh, bliss. Also, Sly has started lifting weights again and after a few weeks, she's got guns -her arms look fabulous! Actually, so does the rest of her.
I hate lifting weights. I would happily do aerobics til my heart exploded, but I hate lifiting, even though it works. So I need to start that. Next week.

You know how shopping for bathing suits makes you cry? Try shopping for bathing suits in Japan. It's enough to make you wanna curl up and die.

But guess what? I did. And I don't even wear an extra large. I do wear a large, but I'm (sort of) okay with that. I don't look all that bad in it either. Or that good, but I'm (sort of) okay with that, too. It's a blue and maroon speedo, and very modest and should be perfect...

...for workout swimming. Which means I need to take lessons. What? I can't swim? Well, I can, but it's more along the lines of actively avoiding drowning than it is swimming and thusly won't function as a workout, so I'm gonna take lessons so I can use swimming as a workout. And lately, there's a little voice in my head going "do a sprint triathlon...do a sprint triathlon". I should probably not listen to this little voice. But compared to the other little voice going "KILL THEM ALL!", the triathlon voice is definitely more sane.

Wheelz

I got a car! And miracles of miracles, it's not blue (family joke)! It has the tiniest backseat ever!
Elmer is Chris' green wagon and Edgar is mine. They seem to like being roommates or carportmates.


Smallest backseat ever. My cushions on my loveseat are only a little wider and twice as deep!

Taxes

I spent my entire morning doing taxes, but I got them done. Phew. I'm glad it's over with. We needed to be home anyway, because we had a malfunctioning heater and I was afraid the house would burn down, taking all my kimono with it. Oh, I guess I was worried Chris and the cat would fry, too. Yeah.

Anyhoo, our main heater in the livingroom kept cutting out due to some malfunction and when I got up on Sunday morning, the ambient temprature downstairs was about 39 degrees. Not good. We managed to Macgyver the heater to get it working until today, when the landlady could come out and look at it. The fix consisted of soundly thumping the kerosene tank feed, which we had done already. We knew to do this, because our neighbor had problems with her tank, too, and the gas company repairman told her that sometimes the valves stick, so thump it. So we fixed it ourselves and the repairman said if it sticks again, to call and the heater will be replaced. You'd be suprised how many things a sound thumping will fix, everything from heaters to a husband who leaves his dirty boxers on the bedroom floor (heh heh heh).

People ask about the kerosene heat a lot. It doesn't smell bad like most people think--I think the heating kero is more refined. It makes the house really dry though and for some reason, causes a lot of dust to be generated. No, we don't have central heating. There are small heaters in the upstairs rooms and the downstairs has one big heater in the corner of the living room. The cat totally hogs the space in front of it, too. The kitchen and bathroom are unheated. Fine for the kitchen, because how often am I in there? However, an unheated bathroom royally sucks, so we have a 900watt halogen heater to heat it. The toilet seat is heated, too, which is nice--most of the time (except when you have a misadventure).

After the heater checked out OK, Chris and I ran some errands. On the way to my kimono lesson, we stopped by a local car dealership to purchase a vehicle for me. During the course of this, Chris managed to get the truck stuck in a snowbank. And I mean stuck. The amount of snow hid the steep slope of the back lot, so the RVR went in and didn't come out. The snowbank just scoffed at our 4 wheel drive, and all the usual tricks (cat litter for traction, blanket, traction grips) did NOTHING. After fighting the good fight for 45 minutes, we finally relented and got the dealer to tow us out. Unbelievable. Chris was pretty embarassed, but all that matters is that we got unstuck without having to wait for a spring thaw (which would be, oh, about JUNE).

So now I am the almost-owner of a cute black Pajero Junior. I got 730 dollars off the sticker price. I'm happy with that, but now the paperwork begins...urgh.

Because of the whole RVR excavation, I was sort late to my lesson today, but I did call and let Eiko-san know. The last time I was late (I thought I was supposed to come at 2pm and she thought noon) Eiko-san got worried about me. Hell, I worry about me. Anyway, my kimono lesson consisted of being shown two crazy-ass obi knots. I can't even describe the first one, but the second one is a big bow-like affair. I managed to tie that one okay after a few tries. Poor Masako-san got yanked all around, because you really do have to wrestle this one. My bow looked like this:

Tomorrow, Eiko-san is teaching a yukata-wearing class. I get to help. Hoo boy.

Hakama

Hakama is a kind of kimono skirt, that are pleated and may or may not have a center divider.

While men may wear hakama on many formal occasions, nowadays women rarely wear these skirts over their kimonos except at their own college graduation ceremonies. Hakama are also worn by practicioners of Kendo (like me) during practices and bouts.

Today's kitsuke practice was kimono and hakama. I dressed Masako-san in the kimono and then the hakama. The hakama easy lesson, since I know how to deal with hakama thanks to Kendo.

Cranky

Man, I am so cranky lately I can't stand it. I feel barfulous and like my brain is trying to ooze out of my ears, which feel like they're stuffed with dryer lint. I apologized to Nic and Paul because I've been a bitch-on-wheels at work, although Nic claims he couldn't tell the difference. In addition to feeling like I'm gonna do the technicolour yawn at anytime, I get headaches. I can't describe the headaches, they're awful. Not like migrane awful, it's totally different and very unpleasant. In case you are wondering, I am not gestating a sprog. Gestation is creepy.

But enough about that, it's boring and I sound like a whiny titty baby. Chris and his new ginch went snowboarding and took the truck, because he was planning on driving a bunch of people (this ended up not being the case, though it wasn't Chris' fault). I was sort of annoyed because I wanted to do some grocery shopping and then go for a kimono lesson, but I wasn't gonna walk. I think it's time for a truck for me. It's been two years and a lot of inconvience. To be fair, it is more irritating for Chris, because he ends up driving everywhere.

So I was home alone today, and slowly got the house cleaned and took care of some stuff that's been in a waitstate for some time.

My home network is all jacked up and I really don't feel like dealing with it, so I'm putting up with some weird shit, including some bottlenecking on my feed, but whatever, I can still download pR0n. Actually, I don't even need to do that, I just go to Kelly's site and look at the nekkid ladies, already downloaded.

Chris got back early from snowboarding and we ran errands and did the grocery shopping at the Japanese market and now the house is filled with much yummy things. A lot of Japanese food is really good, but Maple Buns are the devil. I'll write about those some other time.

Off

Today was a day off for most folks on base, including us, although we had to take it without pay.
We didn't do a whole lot of anything, which isn't suprising. Actually, some of it is that lately I just feel like ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag.

We picked up a new jacket and snowpants for Chris, since his LL Bean one is on its last legs. It looks really nice and we got both items on sale. Chris was worried that they were a little expensive, but I wasn't. He will get a lot of use from them and look stylish whilst doing so.

Oh, before shopping for jackets, we did go to the gym and that helped a little. And later in the evening, I got my hair cut and highlighted, which takes FOREVER and always gives me a headache, even though it looks nice, I hate having it done.

Kitsu Katsu

Kitsu Katsu can be loosely translated as "I'll win". Of course, the Japanese would shorten it and get Kit Kat! A bit of serendipity for Nestle! And guess what? The candy bars are used as a kind of good luck charm, kids taking exams will eat one right before their tests. At any rate, Nestle is making a killing in Japan! Did you know they have flavoured Kit Kats here in Japanland? The flavored ones are seasonal and quantities are limited, which suits the Japanese temperament, but does not please the Bakagaijin at all, since she can no longer find the Green Tea ones.

In case you were curious, during my time here, I've tried various flavours:

Green Tea
Passion Fruit
Strawberry
Blueberry
Merlot wine <--suprisingly tasty and extremely popular with my co-irkers.

And now there are Sakura (Cherry Blossom) flavoured ones for springtime. I was a bit disappointed with these. Plus the color was sort of odd, it made me think of mannequins or other flesh-colored things, like prothestics. I just didn't find it visually appealing.

Valentine II

Look what I got in the mail on Valentine's Day!Vielen Dank für meine warmen Socken!
Susann sent me wonderful hand-knit socks! It was such a nice suprise! The socks are so warm and toasty. The heart-shaped things are called "thrums" and are made from puffs of unspun wool. On the inside of the sock, the thrums make a puffy and warm lining.
Sneaky Susann wrote about the socks in her blog, which I read!

Interestingly enough, Susann's choice of colours echoes my most recent kimono purchase.

This kimono was my souvenir from Sapporo (along with a weight gain of two pounds from beer and chocolates). Here's the kimono. You don't want to see where I gained the weight. Seriously.

Valentine

Earth's the right place for love. I don't know where it's likely to go better.

Birches by Robert Frost

Valentine's Day in Japan is a "Hallmark Holiday" introduced by a chocolate company in 1958, as a way to sell chocolates to women. There are actually TWO Valentine Days in Japan, one on the 14 of February and another, known as "White Day" on March 14th.

In Japan, on Valentine's Day, women give chocolates to men. In a typical Japanese fashion, you can't leave anybody out, so even if you don't like your male coworkers, you have to give them (inexpensive) chocolates. These "obligatory" chocolates are known as "giri-choco". If you really like a guy, then you give him "honmei-choco". Since a lot of the women consider a gift of store-bought chocolates too impersonal, the honmei-choco are often handmade by the woman herself.

A month later comes "White Day" introduced by yet another candy company (a maker of marshmallows) and taking complete advantage of the Japanese sense of obligation. White Day is when the guys are supposed to give the girls candy, usually white (like marshmallows or sugar almonds) or at least packaged in a white box. This is a much newer holiday and isn't quite as popular.

More than half the chocolate sold during a year is sold around Valentine's day, making it important to the candy companies. Prices do seem go up around Valentine's and White day. However, some Japanese manage to save a bit of cash by brining in a box for the whole office to share, rather than buying individual boxes for coworkers.

Japanese chocolates tend to be darker and less sweet than American chocolates and even the "cheaper" brands tend to be good quality (I haven't met a Japanese Chocolate that I didn't like--unfortunately for my figure). The packaging of course is always pretty, regardless of the price point.

Behind

I know I haven't posted an update. I'm behind! I have housework and work work and taxes to do and ARRRGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Sapporo

We are off to the Sapporo Snow Festival for four days.