Monday, October 24, 2005


So I got up at 0515 today, since Sly and I were scheduled for spinning class. I ducked into the den to check my email before I got into my workout clothes and happened to notice that Genji the Cat wasn't in the room. This was not unusual, since we leave the door to the balcony open and Genji goes in and out as he pleases. The balcony is narrow, has a very high, solid wall surrouding it and is 20 feet off the ground. Genji likes to lay out there when the weather is sunny.

While I'm checking Email, the neighborhood dogs went apeshit. I figured it was one of the delivery guys until...


Suddenly, I get the whim-whams and gooseflesh creeps up on my arms. That is one spooky noise.


I glanced out onto the balcony and didn't see Genj anywhere. Then something occurred to me.
I ran out of the bed and into the bedroom and woke Chris up.

"Chris, Chris, did you put the cat in the den when you went to bed last night?"


"Huh, yeah, whuh?"

"Genji's not in his room or on the balcony and there's..."


Chris got dressed and flew out of the room, downstairs and out the door. I was hopping around trying to get into my biking tights, my sports bra, my socks, everything all at once and get down the stairs and get outside, too.

"Oh my god, Chris, what if he fell off the roof and a leg or four are broken?" I hollered at Chris as he shot out into the front yard (yes, Genji would fall off the roof, trust me). I was having horrible visions of finding a big splotch of cat jello in the middle of the yard.


We looked out into the yard to see (whole) Genji and a mysterious, goddamn creepy-ass black cat (!) in the middle of a standoff by our storage shed. Chris shooed off the strange cat, which hissed, puffed up and practically flew over our gate like a bat out of Hell. The nasty beast impudently settled down on the sidewalk and stared through the gate at us as we dashed into the house. I would not have been suprised if that creepy-ass cat had shot fucking death rays out of its evil yellow eyes.

Genji seemed relieved to be back inside, and I could totally relate. Who wants to mess around with a Black Devil Cat with Death Ray Eyes! Genji didn't seem to have anything broken or sprained and we didn't see any bites or scratches, which was a relief. Genji is rear-wheel drive only and before someone starts giving me shit about how inhumane it is to declaw a cat, let me say that when I adopted Genji from the animal shelter (saving him from being euthanized) he was already declawed. Besides, if that other cat could shoot death rays, claws wouldn't have helped.

Sly came by to pick me up and I told her all about our big early morning adventure. She found it hilarious, since she owns Bibi, who is total Ghetto Cat. Bibi, despite being declawed, loves to get outside and go pick fights with cats, with dogs, with anybody. Bibi, who is a total thug, might have had chance against Death Ray Eyes Devil Cat, but Genji would have been doomed.

Anyway, Chris spoke briefly with our neighbor, Deb, after I left. Apparently, she came out to walk her dog at about 0500. She noticed Genji sitting on the low wall dividing our yards. He had probably slipped on the rain-slicked tin roof and gone sailing off. Once down in the yard, Genji had decided to hang around until someone noticed he wasn't around, took him inside and fed him. About the time that I got up and went to check my email was probably about the time that the Death Ray Black Cat appeared and he and Genji started talking cat-trash to each other.

Man, I hope that creepy black cat stays away.

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