Saturday, December 03, 2005


Signs That It Is Winter In Misawa

There's snow:

Don't be fooled by this weak showing. By end of January, there will be another 125+ inches of the stuff.

There's a phone call from Sly.

The bugs that have invaded the house all spring, summer and fall are gone--outside, because
it's warmer out there than in the house. Then the icicles invade.

Japanese Girls' skirts go from just below crotch level to slightly above mid-thigh.

The Japanese get out their snow tires. For their bicycles.

The Japanese put coats on...their pet dogs.

Young Japanese men put on British-style mufflers (scarves) that wrap around their skinny necks about three thousand times, so it looks like they're wearing a turban that slipped down.

Old Japanese men start using their own bathrooms for fear their chin-chins (that's the Japanese kids' word for "pee pee") will freeze solid and fall off. (Summer returns and they go back to publicly peeing all over the place)

The smell of kerosene in the morning.
The smell of kerosene in the afternoon.
The smell of kerosene in the evening.

The sudden attack of fear you get at work when you think you may have left your kersosene heater on and have probably burned down the house.

You have 35 people over to your house, so that all the body heat actually makes it comfortable inside.

The wind picks picks up small children, the elderly and some makes of Japenese cars and blows them all through the neighborhood.

In the morning, the plastic steering wheel of the car is so cold, your hands freeze to it.

You can't fathom why a country that can improve on anything has never thought to improve on their houses--by INSULATING them.

You realize you don't need to carry your driver's license to drive, you need to carry your
driver's license because it indicates what gender you are. Otherwise, you can't tell because you're always numb from the cold.

The floor is so cold that the cat has learned to levitate.

You can see your breath. Inside the house.

The purpose of a hot bath is not to cleanse you or relax you. It's so you can thaw out your internal organs.

The water heater doesn't kick on immediately, so the first gush of water is "cold as butt" (which is infinitely chillier than "cold as ice").

You are wearing your winter clothes. All of them. At once. In the house. With the "heat" on.

Going to the bathroom is like an extended Arctic expedition, complete with frostbite.

The bathroom is so cold, your kintamas pull themselves up into your throat.

My deodorant, which is kept in the bathroom, turned into frozen stick of aluminum powder. Trying to apply the stuff resulted in two discoveries:
  1. Armpits are sensitive, especially to cold (sticks of deodorant)
  2. When cold, armpits will try to burrow into your collarbones for warmth (uncomfortable)
"Having Relations" comes to a screeching halt because no one wants to get nekkid. What everyone wants is to get ANOTHER two layers of clothes to put on.

Living in Buffalo, NY (me) and Colorado Springs, CO (Chris) didn't prepare us at all for this. Living in Miami, FL (Sly)...well, we won't even go there.

1 comment:

Susann said...

Kerosene??!! You're heating with kerosene? Do you ever get your house to a decent temperature or do you have to freeze all winter?

Need more socks? ;-)